san francisco.

moving on...

     the following are "bullets" briefly detailing (what an annoying term... briefly detailing. oxy moron. you all are... for wasting your time reading this shit.) our trip to san francisco.

-i knew this trip was going to be an "experience" when long beach airport heightened it's security measures. they eliminated the whole take-your-shoes-off-stand-here-and-get-foot-gonorrhea-while-i-pilfer-through-your-purse step and made us all go through like this...

-another good sign was our san fran cab driver who had a strange resemblance to Jimmie Walker and called T and i "cool cats."

-our first night there we went to joe's crab shack in fisherman's wharf for dinner, where Taylor mentioned he wanted to get "young and dumb about it." i took him completely serious, acted like an 18 month old and threw a temper tantrum about which side of the bed i wanted to sleep on that night. i think he was referring to drinking alcohol like a 19 year old though.

-the next day, after another successful temper tantrum, which led us away from a denny's and into a starbucks (pretty pretty princess gets what she wants), we took a bus tour of the shitty city.

eyes like a hawk. spotted this bansky piece.

 stopped in union square to shop and say "hello" to that giant ninja.

ahhh! inner hippie is losing it's mind with excitement right now.

-the entire city smells like patchouli and weed smoke. there are very nice 15 year old hippies on the street corners who will sell you some marijuana if you feel left out because everyone has it but you.

-no one in this town asks for your id. two things: that makes me feel old and i'll never allow my spawns to visit this city without me.

- we had a very nice sexy dinner night (i believe you common folk refer to this as date night) at a restaurant called scoma's right on the water. and then walked to ghirardelli square for hot chocolate and dessert.  

fat girl status.

- the next day we went to alcatraz for a tour of taylor's new home. 

keep making that face and it'll stay like that.

 doing my best asian tourist impression while in solitary confinement.

- i spent most of our trip in leggings (a miracle bra for your a$$) and uggs. taylor was under the impression that people were constantly staring at my camel toe and just couldn't get it through his head that they were staring at me because of my beauty.

here are some other things i saw in san francisco...

i like to look a little less north beach and a lot more marin county.

rvca store in the haight. ride on cowboy.

i don't know who this bimbo is but she was werkin' for the paparazzi me.

homeless man in make-shift bush scaring the spare change right out of people's pants.

grizabella the glamor cat.

     that's all for now folks. gotta go spike the eggnog! cheers!

one picture.

     and almost 3 months later the "challenge" that was supposed to take 10 days is finally completed with a picture of myself. i lurve pictures of myself and this one especially. the genuine happiness in this picture is completely apparent. this is that "holy crap, god created the perfect man for me, i get to spend my life with him and i feel freaking skinny gorgeous right now" moment.

(this is not "the" dress so stop freaking the fuck out about it)

     and i've also decided to treat you freaks fans to the details of our secret wedding. so brace yourself. taylor and i decided, for a multitude of reasons, that it would be best for us (well, mostly me) to get married before the marine corps moved us to california. that left us about 6 weeks to plan a wedding... not really something i wanted to do. 

     our marriage needed to be quick and easy (much like he was on our first date)... and planning that sounded like a perfect job for my groom. yep, Taylor planned our wedding marriage, which totally explains why we got married at 9am in front of some random lady's fireplace.

     thursday, august 11th rolled around and my wedding planner fiance informed me that i had to sneak my birth certificate away from my parent's file cabinet in order to get our marriage license. i tried to be so sneaky in this covert operation and avoid all "what do you need that for?" questions but i was caught. by dale... and bless his heart, the only thing he thought to ask was "are you going on a cruise?" i don't even remember how i responded to that pitiful question or if i said anything at all. i was expecting a full-throttle interrogation and this man was thinking of pleasure cruises...

     the next day we went down to the courthouse to file for our marriage license. the courthouse was a zoo, a mexican zoo, that morning. we couldn't find a parking spot and in a desperate attempt to keep the "quick and easy" theme going, we parked in a family friend's driveway. fearing she might see my car and get suspicious i sent her a quick text: hey! can't find parking and i gotta run on the courthouse for a few minutes for work. parked in your driveway. thank you :) her response should have been: you're an event planner at a municipal golf course and you have no business taking care of any of their legal issues. what are you really up to? but she, like my father, was naive as hell and just went with it.

    we ran in the courthouse, saw the metal detectors and then immediately ran back out because... did you know you can't take your cell phone in those places? that's some bullshit. anyway, when we were safely back in there with no ability to contact the outside world, we successfully obtained our marriage license and got the hell out of dodge... before anyone asked for my autograph.

     i have no recollection of what else happened that day. i probably got shit balls drunk and blacked out. funny, that's exactly what i'm doing right now. i'll blog about the "marriage day" later... the keyboard is starting to look all melty-like.

two songs.

2. i went through a period of a little over 3 years that i was haunted by this song. it was produced and released in 1993 and i would hear it on the radio all the time from 2007-2010. i would put my ipod on shuffle and this song would play multiple times... sometimes in a row. i love this song. it's powerful and the lyrics are deep. adam duritz is insane and brilliant. i especially love him because once when blender magazine asked him "what would your exes say about you?" his response was "they would tell you; that boy loves to eat pussy... and i'm damn good at it." gah.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PAP3kN8J8w

1. this song is about me. T bought the CD about 9 months ago and made me listen to this track driving home from a dinner date one night and it gave me the chills. especially "your comebacks they're quick and probably have to do with your insecurities." these lyrics brought me back down to earth. <3.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGNpr9Dw9zE

three films.

well, my hiatus is over. a lot has happened since i last blogged. i flew home to virginia for my cousin's wedding. alone. i saw that as a perfect opportunity to take some drugs i've just been dying to try. CA to VA: ambien. VA to CA: xanax. the ambien turned long beach into a delicious-looking giant fruit tart until it hit me over the head like a pillowcase full of dead batteries and then i was "out" for the entire flight. i did wake briefly for a few moments to turn my head. otherwise, i would have drown in my own tray-top drool pool. the xanax's power paled in comparison to that of the turbulence and didn't do any cool shit to my brain :( humph. next time i'll pair 1 xanax with 5 grey geese and expect better results.

more on my trip later. the following are my 3 films. okay, they're movies. only douchelords use the term "films."

3. the grinch. only the one with jim carrey. it's my faaavorite movie, i watch it once a day in the month of december and i know every word. "i want a pony so i can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make glue."

2. the other sister. again, i know every word. i spent a better part of my adolescence dreaming of becoming a famous actress. a famous actress that only plays mentally handicapped characters. who in there right mind would purposely typecast themselves like that?! thanks juliette lewis.

1. urban cowboy. i saw the first five minutes when we spent the night in new mexico. i tried so hard to stay awake and watch it but just couldn't stand the thought of being conscious anymore, especially in new mexico. now, we look for it everywhere we go and no one has it for sale.

oh, i almost forgot to mention. i got a real job and don't have a lot of time for this blogging non-sense anymore. that's right... i gave up bottles of cabernet at noon and never wearing pants for a paycheck. laaammmeee.

four books.

4. my favorite book. it's not even a book. it's a masterpiece. it was the only required reading i enjoyed (well, actually did) during school.

3. i read this book during the summer of 2008 and i still catch myself genuinely missing the characters in it to this day. i fell in love with james frey and i've read every novel he's written. i don't give a rat's ass if he embellished his story because its phenomenal and i hate oprah.

2. i bought this book over 3 years ago and still have yet to read it. its packed in my carry on for tomorrow's flight, which i just realized is the first flight i'll ever take totally alone : /

1. everyone (men & women) needs to read this book. it was given to me by my aunt after i got out of a... we'll say "weird" relationship. it changed my outlook and taught me lessons about love. i'm a better person for reading it.

on another note, big love left for a "field exercise" this morning and won't be home until the end of the month. i'm emotional and pouty. i'm wearing his pajamas and tearing up at the most ridiculous things (ie, his wallet on the desk, the mud from his boots in the doorway and the peanut butter spoon in the sink that reminded what our "goodbye" kiss tasted like this morning). i was never this much of mess when he left for the field before and i'm sure i'll be able to put a smile on and get my day started soon. it's just knowing that this f-ex (field exercise) is preparing him for a real deployment that's making this harder than usual.

we interrupt this 10 day challenge.

to bring you a weekend update... i had this entire post written and saved but blogger ate it. T and the guys (two of his best buds are in his new unit with him) had a 72... happy wife :) in the "millie" world, 72 means 3 day weekend!

i spent friday night fighting and eventually giving into my vodka habit at our friend;s home. after i preformed a little song and dance number, T was ready to take me home. saturday morning i got up bright & early to go to a second interview at a gorgeous golf course. upon my arrival i immediately christened the handicapped stall and then wooed everyone in the building. saturday afternoon T and i watched LSU football and took naps on the couch... only getting up to go to our friends' home for dessert and card games.

sunday morning, we walked around the flea market. i hate the flea market. there is so much to look gawk at and it always makes me have to poop. there is no way in hell i'm pooping in some "mexican't's" porta-shitter. so i suffer the cold sweats and duecebumps for 2 hours while everyone else looks through other people's crap. that afternoon, the wives went shopping and the guys stayed home to get their gear together :( T made hamburgers for dinner, we watched one of our new favorite shows, Pan Am, and then went to bed.

yesterday i cleaned the house while T hit the gym and then we went for a couple's massage. watching my husband get rubbed down by a large, black man named Tony is very humbling. when we got home, T sat in the garage and finished packing up his gear... i sat on the couch folding laundry, watching "P.S. i love you," fighting back tears and occasionally searching for happiness in a jar of nutella.

*tomorrow morning T leaves for a 2 1/2 week field exercise. blah. this deployment will be here before we know it.

five foods.

5. sushi. my favorite date night meal.

4. fruit. apples, strawberries, grapes... i nom it all.

3. steak. moo.

2. butter. sometimes i even eat a dinner roll with my butter.

1. bacon. everything is better when you add bacon.

six places.

6. nokesville, va... my home. my grandmother swears "her daddy" founded it. my entire family, mother's and father's side, live in or around this little farm town. 

5. corolla, nc... a small drinking town with a fishing problem. a town so small that if i wasn't sure what i was doing all i had to do was ask someone else. i spent the best (and behaviorally speaking, worst) summers here. 

4. pine point, me... i vacationed here every summer of my childhood and when we started dating, i found out my husband did too! he was born only 30 minutes away.

3. louisiana... my husband was raised here! when i found that out, i called him my "cajun-french lover" to anyone who was dumb enough to listen. we spent 3 incredible days here when we started our pcs to southern california. new orleans is my alcoholism's paradise.

2. bora bora... where taylor and i are planning to honeymoon next year!

1. oceanside, ca... this is where taylor and i first vacationed together and 9 months later, where our first home together is <3

seven wants.

7 wants? this shouldn't require much brain power. my apologies, in advance, if they are all purely material. 

7. perfect (and much larger) boobs. smaller waist and thighs. firmer junk in my trunk. you know... the usuals. i want the knockers the most.

6. a job. so i don't feel like a total loser. being T's personal assistant doesn't pay the bills... or support my nordstrom habit. 

5. my masters degree. not because i necessarily need it to be the best event coordinator ever but not many people have them and i really like having things that no one else does.

4. to make my husband a father (one day in the distant future). our kids are going to have an awesome daddy. sometimes i wish T was my father. sometimes we pretend he is... kidding. 

3. a shiny, new bmw 335i. white with tan interior.

2. michael kors to give me all of his lastest masterpieces... before they are available to the public... every season... for free. tory burch could do it for me too.

1. my husband's safe return from his upcoming deployment <3

eight fears.

eight things i'm scared of. easy. peasy.

8. beach umbrellas. terrifying. if there is a beach umbrella near me i cannot (and will not) relax. one little gust of wind can turn that thing into a toothpick in a club sandwich. i am the club sandwich.

7. knocks on my door after T deploys..\. every military wife's nightmare.

6. pregnancy and child birth. i would love to be a mother one day but the thought of that little parasite invading and subsequently mutilating my body... i'm not so keen on.

5. being poor. does that make me sound shallow? i never want to have to buy a purse from k-mart. does that?

4. getting kidnapped. i'm super afraid that "bad guys" are going to break into our house and take me.

3. blood and guts. gory scenes in movies and television shows make me hide my eyes. bloody real-life injuries make me gag.

2. surgery. i'm scared of being "put under" (<--- who invented that phrase by the way? its awful and sounds like death). what if i don't wake up? i also don't want some asshole cutting into my body for reasons mentioned in #3. i cried until i dry-heaved when i had to get my wisdom teeth taken out... at the mature age of 22.

1. infidelity. my past relationships always ended because of this... clearly it's fucked with my head. (that was really hard to say.)

nine loves.

today i'm picking up my aunt and uncle from the airport, who are in san diego for a few days to attend a work conference. i'll be showing them our home and around southern california while we wait for taylor to get off work. then, we are heading to the gaslamp district for dinner! since it's going to be such a busy day, i wrote this post yesterday! enjoy :) 

9. i love the grocery store, meal planning and cooking. 

8. i love taking care of and supporting my husband in every and any way possible. i freaking love my husband.

7. i love grey goose and red wine.

6. i love music. before taylor and i moved in together, i lived by myself and without television or internet.  i listened to a lot of music (and cleaned all the damn time). 

5. i love my mom. at 23 years old and on the opposite side of the country she is still the first person i call if i'm happy, angry, sad... or just because i'm awake.

4. i love the color orange.

3. i love to make people laugh.

2. i love breaking a sweat. running, yoga, spin...

1. i love wasting the day away at the beach.

ten secrets.

good morning stalkers. it's actually not that hard to believe that i haven't blogged in over a month! my entire life has changed this past month and i promise to catch ya'll up on that later but for now, in a desperate attempt to get back into blogging, i've taken on the following...

ten secrets (that i feel comfortable telling the internet)... i'm not dragging the skeletons out of my closet for you freaks. i'm keeping this mild.

10. i threw a highly successful temper-tantrum in high school when my then boyfriend told me he wanted to join the army because i did not want to be married to the military. i still feel mildly guilty about keeping him from chasing his dream and breaking his heart into itty, bitty pieces a few months later. ironically enough, i'm now a military wife. married to a wonderful marine and i love it!

9. i loathe sharing my feelings. it's so uncomfortable for me. i'd rather keep my emotions to myself. if my husband could change one thing about me this would probably be it because it frustrates him and otherwise i'm perfect... and the most gorgeous woman he's ever laid eyes on.

8. i have the most. absurd. dreams. ever. they are always freakishly detailed. for example, during last night's slumber i dreamt that T and i were flipping our mattress and discovered that our box spring was infested was cats... like hundreds of felines. in my dream, i was so disgusted, which is so weird because i loverz kitties.

7. while we're on the subject- we adopted a kitten when we arrived in california and she has a habit of sucking her own nipples. it makes me feel weird but i still love her. i don't want to talk about it anymore. the end.

6. i hate when people are stupid. i hate when people make spelling and grammatical errors in their (not they're or there) facebook statuses. i hate when women are stupid and i really hate when women pretend to be stupid to get what they want from men.

5. i miss dancing. i may have googled "showcase dance studio" the other day and teared up when i saw pictures of my old home away from home.

4. i have zero self-control when it comes to ice cream. therefore, it is rarely allowed in our house because i will sit on the couch and eat the whole damn carton. for breakfast.

3. i'm pretty insecure about my eyebrows. i even asked for a new right eyebrow for christmas last year.

2. i'm a former commitment-phobe. i used to only put myself in relationships that i knew were "doomed" because that was safe for me and i got some kind of strange satisfaction out of the heartbreak.  

1. this is no secret but i love my husband and my heart is so full. i go to sleep at night looking forward to the "good-bye" kiss i'm going to get in the morning before he leaves for work and i wake up anxiously waiting for him to come home :)

rolla costa.

i'm less than two weeks away from a move across the country. i'm leaving everything. my home, my job, my family, my friends... every single thing i have ever known. and you know what? i'm not scared. i'm just excited and anxious.

a little sad. i only get sad when i thinking about all the "missing." i'm going to miss things. like my mom picking me up from a bar when i get too drunk. watching my favorite boy-twins and their sister grow up. being my granmother's personal beautician. and the list could go on...

but like robert frost said, life goes on. time to be a grown-up.

i have an amazing man to spend the rest of my life with and some incredible friendships in california!

this is just the beginning.

sarah's bachelorette weekend 2011

i have some kick-ass "she cousins." one of them is extra special to me becuase i used to live with her and she's so teeny tiny. i like to pick her up when i hug her and she's marrying this goon in october...

his name is ryan and he likes bagels, fishing and sarah. i went on their second date with them. i still can't figure out why they thought that was a "good idea."

this past weekend, i drove to north carolina (come on a raise up! take your shirt off!) for her "beach-lorette" party. i'd love to share some stories from the weekend but all 20+ of us were so inebriated for most of the festivities that we either A) don't remember what happened. or B) did something so embarassing that "the circle of trust" was sworn to silence forever. amen. to make up for it, i'll show you a few g-rated pictures.

we went to the beach a lot and then went to a lot of bars...

we didn't go anywhere without our penis straws.

or our penis suckers... i am.

i can't even count the number of penises... peni?... in this picture.

we ended the weekend with a bridal shower at sarah's future in-laws' home. we were all really hungover and quiet. i think we may have eaten everything in their house.



sarah got some fabo panties to wear on her wedding night!

to say i'm excited for this wedding is an understatement. i'm going to be a tearful, blubbering mess during the ceremony...  and a drunken, dancing fool during the reception. cheers!

a heavy heart.

i have heard loved ones tell me countless times that they have lost their faith in God because he let's bad things happen to good people.

sunday morning i learned that a "sister" from my Washington Redskins Cheerleading days had lost her Navy SEAL husband and father of her two babies when insurgents took down their helicopter in Afghanistan. i was on a long drive by myself and was immeadiately shaken to core. why? is the only thing i could think through my tears. i began to pray for her family and caught myself asking God "how could you let this happen?" and then it dawned on me...

god does not "let" these things happen. he is not the cause of human tragedies but he mourns these events with us when they occur. he wants to help his children pick up the pieces when we feel so broken. someone once told me that faith is not an insurance policy but an assurance policy. he is here for you. he loves you beyond comprehension. "bad things" happen in the freedom that comes with the gift of life and your faith will help you through them.

my thoughts and prayers are with Aaron's family and the other 31 familes, who lost a loved one during Saturday's tragedy, in their time of mourning.

weekend at the lake.

taylor and i spent last weekend at lake anna in virginia with family and friends. lake anna is a weird, weird lake. and by weird, i mean hot! it recieves warm water discharge from a nearby nuclear power plant. sounds safe, huh? taylor spent the most time in the water and came home with a few new appendages. i kid, i kid but like i said, lake anna is hot (just like us)... the water temperature couldn't have been less than 95degrees during our stay. there were clams basically cooking themselves in the water, openining up, dying and making the whole place a bit too stinky. taylor had a blast throwing them at me...

we had so much fun laying out in the sun, jumping off the boat-house into the giant hot tub lake, teaching minors to play my favorite drinking games, watching terrible movies, eating too much, drinking too much and "enjoying each other's company" (cough).

big tree fall hard.

we are models.

i'm off to north carolina this weekend to celebrate my cousin's bachelorette party! i'll miss taylor but there will be a big grey goose down there for me to snuggle with.

how we met.

taylor and i were "set up" through our mutual friend, faith. in may 2010 said mutual friend and i were out for a run when she asked "do you know taylor _____?" and to that i replied "no, who is she?" when we had made it back to her house, she showed me pictures of taylor on facebook (the world's most popular online dating site). i melted. when i was eventually able to peel myself off the floor of her home office, i agreed to go with her to winery the following weekend and meet taylor (who turned out to be a boy and a hot boy at that). a few days later, faith informed me that she had hooked taylor up with someone else. some friend, huh?

a few boyfriends months later, in september, i was going to the jimmy buffet concert with my cousin hayley, friend mike and "the posse." "the posse" refers to themselves that way. i prefer calling them the "ya-yas" becuase they are a group of fabulous women in their forties that kidnap me sometimes and force me to drink gin & tonics. to make a long story even longer, i had an extra ticket to this concert and invited faith. she accepted and said her single friend taylor would be there. she would introduce us. at this point i had very little "faith" in faith. cue: her running out of gas on a major highway and never making it to the concert... but she did give taylor my phone number.

he called. i was 3 tall beers deep at bww's at that point and agreed to meet him at the concert. when he explained to me that he would "be the guy in the tank top" i almost backed out. but didn't. a few beers later, i exchanged quick "hellos" with tank top guy and as soon as he turned his back i dissapeared to the bud light booth. i didn't need a beer so much as i wanted to creep on observe him from a distance and contemplate whether or not he was worth one of my VIP passes. he looked pretty good in that tank top... we spent the entire concert getting hammered talking in the VIP bar.

i will never forgot how nervous, excited and mesmerized i was...

and how calm and comfortable he seemed.

he kept putting his hand on my back and it made me feel awkward.

looking back, affection was something so unnatural to me.

 i wasn't used to giving or recieving that kind of touch.

when i remember this night, i'm a bystander watching the two of us.

shouldn't i be in my own body?

at the end of the night he told me he'd call me and we'd go on a date on saturday. he did and we did. i was also intoxicated enough to take a swat at his giant, juicy man-ass. so, i did and we've been inseperable ever since. now i have this for the rest of my life...

still wearing tank tops.

lessons i learned as a sahw.

thursday was my day off and taylor had duty. i was left to entertain myself for 13+ hours. i don't mind time that i spend by myself and in fact, sometimes, it can be down right enjoyable. like this morning, for instance, taylor insisted on slobbering on me every chance he got... don't get me wrong, i love his playful side. it loosens me up but it was not difficult AT ALL to get in my car and drive away from him to go to work. alone. back to the point of this post: thursday, while pretending to be a stay-at-home-wife i learned a lot.

- don't go to target M-F before 3pm without children. i'll write an entire post on this experience later but for now, just heed my advice and do. not. do. it.
- laying by the pool gawking at real sahws reading trashy romance novels is awesome. for about 3 hours. it is much less awesome in 105 degree weather.
- i'm not ready to be a mom. laying by the pool as a mom is not awesome. actually, its not possible.
- my future husband has a serious tee shirt collection. it needs to be "taken care of" immeadiately. and by that i mean, it needs to dissappear.
- taylor walking in the door and saying "smells good, babe" makes my heart get all melty.
- i can drink an entire bottle of wine and still manage to cook a delish, homemade meal.
- i may be an alcoholic.
- i cannot be a SAHW. i need a purpose... and by "a purpose" i mean $$$.

this post feels messy (like my outfit/hair/make-up today)... but that's what happens when you p.w.v. post-while-vodka-ing people. get with the times.

my boy is home!

i could have sworn i would have peed myself upon seeing him but my apparently bladder control is solid (except for that one christmas eve i "snissed" myself). oh come onnn, you've never sneezed and pissed yourself?! bull shat. anyway, some rad stuff happened this week. i, unfortunately or fortunately... i haven't decided yet, was either too love drunk or too bud light drunk to remember i had a camera to document said rad stuff. we had three date nights in a row! how lucky am i? making up for lost time i suppose. watched movies. cried laughing at the new movie "horrible bosses". got our tan on at the pool. shopped. i found the holy grail, i mean an outfit for our engagement pictures. ran. ran. ran. got drunk together. got drunk by myself. hubs promised to buy me a pair of louboutins. had a tickle fight on the bathroom floor... among other childish things.

it just felt good to make memories.

last night we went to see the boston redsox at camden yards! taylor's a redsox fan and i grew up an oriole's fan. last night i became a mark reynolds fan...

hello gorgeous. i'd like to welcome you and your golden locks to baltimore. personally.

we had so much fun. i asked taylor what song would play when he stepped up to bat? the wrong nigga to fuck with. my song? this gem. i drank one too many bud lights and taylor was getting a little cray cray from all the soda he was partying with...

then the orioles hit two home runs in a row...

how can you not love this face?

wish me luck. tonight i'm cooking dinner since our kitchen staff is on hiatus. it's so hard to find good help these days...

kicked in the keester.

i'll admit that i had totally been slacking on the california job hunt. and my excuses were the following...

1. i'm supposed to be a trophy wife. why doesn't anyone undertand that??? it's my true calling. i swear.
2. my chosen profession, every bride's personal bitch weddings & private event sales manager, allows for little to no social life and i don't want to miss out on "fun" stuff when we move to California because i have a job that takes up my nights and weekends. lame.
3. i want to spent as much time as possible with the government property i like to fuck with (read: my soon-to-be husband).
4. it's july! i'm not going to be settled in california for another 2 months! who hires someone 2 months out? no one.
5. byebye vacations and time to spend with visitors. it was nice dreaming about you.

i never told t pain any of these things... i just kept throwing down the "i'm working on my resume" card BUT he knows me too well! sunday afternoon while on the phone he called my bluff. he basically told me i needed to get my ass in gear. i'm usually pretty hard headed and "get off" on doing the opposite of what i'm told but i hung up the phone feeling super motivated... that man knows exactly how to work me. i got my ass in gear all right. i made that resume my bitch and applied for like 5 jobs (via craigslist). by monday afternoon, i had received a return email from 2 of them. that alone made me feel slightly accomplished. one of the emails stated that i should give them a call when i get to california... how nice.

then the heavens opened and the angels sang out. i mean, my phone rang and mr. jimmy letourneau told me i had an interview! jimmy letouneau is the general manager at a country club in vista and he's currently searching for america's best private event and catering director. he's my new best friend and i'm anticipating a call from him any minute now.

i may have given up on my sahw dreams of yore but taylor sure as hell wasn't going to buy me the multiple pairs of louboutins i need in my closet.

the attempted suicide jog.

let's recap the weekend, shall we?

i like to start my weekends on thursday just like any other trophy wife does. my plans to sail around the atlantic ocean on a 52 foot yacht were postponed due to the looming inclement weather. so, instead i attempted to sleep in but jonah had other plans... like walking on my face at 6:30am. i had one of my hired help drive me to the nail salon and got my fingers and tootsies man handled by a lady boy. then bought myself a new pair of running sneakers! my old ones have a few hundred miles on them and give me blisters every. single. time. i. wear. them.

exhibits A & B.

and in case you forgot, i'm still engaged and it's still awesome. 

don't tell any of the other trophy wives this but i'm totally marrying for love. how boring.

after i attempted suicide (read: ran in 95 degree weather) i met my mama for filet paired with some hops and barley at outback... it's the greatest place on earth. back in april, i had morning sickness paired with an unnatural craving for red meat and mexican food... i convinced myself i was all preggers. turns out i was just a lazy fat ass. pregnancy test: negative. morning sickness: gone. cravings: still in full force. 

on friday, i worked all day. i've really gotta get rid of that job. cutting in to my sun bathing time. then i met this classy gal for another suicide attempt (read: run)...

yes, she is in fact wearing a bathing suit top and sweats while smoking. that's runner material right there!

then we went out for dinner and cocktails. some people asked me to dance with them and i said...

no way!

because i was far too busy dancing with this hottie...

nothing exciting happened on saturday because of that damn job. ugh. but sunday... sunday was ahhhmazing. 

my maid of honor came over and did my hair. myspace-esque photo shoot followed.

we went to priscilla of boston.

 and did a little of this <3. (not "the" dress... but everything looked good on me.)

my apologies for the lengthy post even though i know you loved it. i'm off to have a whipped cream vodka & diet ginger ale while i wait for dinner to cook itself...