how we met.

taylor and i were "set up" through our mutual friend, faith. in may 2010 said mutual friend and i were out for a run when she asked "do you know taylor _____?" and to that i replied "no, who is she?" when we had made it back to her house, she showed me pictures of taylor on facebook (the world's most popular online dating site). i melted. when i was eventually able to peel myself off the floor of her home office, i agreed to go with her to winery the following weekend and meet taylor (who turned out to be a boy and a hot boy at that). a few days later, faith informed me that she had hooked taylor up with someone else. some friend, huh?

a few boyfriends months later, in september, i was going to the jimmy buffet concert with my cousin hayley, friend mike and "the posse." "the posse" refers to themselves that way. i prefer calling them the "ya-yas" becuase they are a group of fabulous women in their forties that kidnap me sometimes and force me to drink gin & tonics. to make a long story even longer, i had an extra ticket to this concert and invited faith. she accepted and said her single friend taylor would be there. she would introduce us. at this point i had very little "faith" in faith. cue: her running out of gas on a major highway and never making it to the concert... but she did give taylor my phone number.

he called. i was 3 tall beers deep at bww's at that point and agreed to meet him at the concert. when he explained to me that he would "be the guy in the tank top" i almost backed out. but didn't. a few beers later, i exchanged quick "hellos" with tank top guy and as soon as he turned his back i dissapeared to the bud light booth. i didn't need a beer so much as i wanted to creep on observe him from a distance and contemplate whether or not he was worth one of my VIP passes. he looked pretty good in that tank top... we spent the entire concert getting hammered talking in the VIP bar.

i will never forgot how nervous, excited and mesmerized i was...

and how calm and comfortable he seemed.

he kept putting his hand on my back and it made me feel awkward.

looking back, affection was something so unnatural to me.

 i wasn't used to giving or recieving that kind of touch.

when i remember this night, i'm a bystander watching the two of us.

shouldn't i be in my own body?

at the end of the night he told me he'd call me and we'd go on a date on saturday. he did and we did. i was also intoxicated enough to take a swat at his giant, juicy man-ass. so, i did and we've been inseperable ever since. now i have this for the rest of my life...

still wearing tank tops.

lessons i learned as a sahw.

thursday was my day off and taylor had duty. i was left to entertain myself for 13+ hours. i don't mind time that i spend by myself and in fact, sometimes, it can be down right enjoyable. like this morning, for instance, taylor insisted on slobbering on me every chance he got... don't get me wrong, i love his playful side. it loosens me up but it was not difficult AT ALL to get in my car and drive away from him to go to work. alone. back to the point of this post: thursday, while pretending to be a stay-at-home-wife i learned a lot.

- don't go to target M-F before 3pm without children. i'll write an entire post on this experience later but for now, just heed my advice and do. not. do. it.
- laying by the pool gawking at real sahws reading trashy romance novels is awesome. for about 3 hours. it is much less awesome in 105 degree weather.
- i'm not ready to be a mom. laying by the pool as a mom is not awesome. actually, its not possible.
- my future husband has a serious tee shirt collection. it needs to be "taken care of" immeadiately. and by that i mean, it needs to dissappear.
- taylor walking in the door and saying "smells good, babe" makes my heart get all melty.
- i can drink an entire bottle of wine and still manage to cook a delish, homemade meal.
- i may be an alcoholic.
- i cannot be a SAHW. i need a purpose... and by "a purpose" i mean $$$.

this post feels messy (like my outfit/hair/make-up today)... but that's what happens when you p.w.v. post-while-vodka-ing people. get with the times.

my boy is home!

i could have sworn i would have peed myself upon seeing him but my apparently bladder control is solid (except for that one christmas eve i "snissed" myself). oh come onnn, you've never sneezed and pissed yourself?! bull shat. anyway, some rad stuff happened this week. i, unfortunately or fortunately... i haven't decided yet, was either too love drunk or too bud light drunk to remember i had a camera to document said rad stuff. we had three date nights in a row! how lucky am i? making up for lost time i suppose. watched movies. cried laughing at the new movie "horrible bosses". got our tan on at the pool. shopped. i found the holy grail, i mean an outfit for our engagement pictures. ran. ran. ran. got drunk together. got drunk by myself. hubs promised to buy me a pair of louboutins. had a tickle fight on the bathroom floor... among other childish things.

it just felt good to make memories.

last night we went to see the boston redsox at camden yards! taylor's a redsox fan and i grew up an oriole's fan. last night i became a mark reynolds fan...

hello gorgeous. i'd like to welcome you and your golden locks to baltimore. personally.

we had so much fun. i asked taylor what song would play when he stepped up to bat? the wrong nigga to fuck with. my song? this gem. i drank one too many bud lights and taylor was getting a little cray cray from all the soda he was partying with...

then the orioles hit two home runs in a row...

how can you not love this face?

wish me luck. tonight i'm cooking dinner since our kitchen staff is on hiatus. it's so hard to find good help these days...

kicked in the keester.

i'll admit that i had totally been slacking on the california job hunt. and my excuses were the following...

1. i'm supposed to be a trophy wife. why doesn't anyone undertand that??? it's my true calling. i swear.
2. my chosen profession, every bride's personal bitch weddings & private event sales manager, allows for little to no social life and i don't want to miss out on "fun" stuff when we move to California because i have a job that takes up my nights and weekends. lame.
3. i want to spent as much time as possible with the government property i like to fuck with (read: my soon-to-be husband).
4. it's july! i'm not going to be settled in california for another 2 months! who hires someone 2 months out? no one.
5. byebye vacations and time to spend with visitors. it was nice dreaming about you.

i never told t pain any of these things... i just kept throwing down the "i'm working on my resume" card BUT he knows me too well! sunday afternoon while on the phone he called my bluff. he basically told me i needed to get my ass in gear. i'm usually pretty hard headed and "get off" on doing the opposite of what i'm told but i hung up the phone feeling super motivated... that man knows exactly how to work me. i got my ass in gear all right. i made that resume my bitch and applied for like 5 jobs (via craigslist). by monday afternoon, i had received a return email from 2 of them. that alone made me feel slightly accomplished. one of the emails stated that i should give them a call when i get to california... how nice.

then the heavens opened and the angels sang out. i mean, my phone rang and mr. jimmy letourneau told me i had an interview! jimmy letouneau is the general manager at a country club in vista and he's currently searching for america's best private event and catering director. he's my new best friend and i'm anticipating a call from him any minute now.

i may have given up on my sahw dreams of yore but taylor sure as hell wasn't going to buy me the multiple pairs of louboutins i need in my closet.

the attempted suicide jog.

let's recap the weekend, shall we?

i like to start my weekends on thursday just like any other trophy wife does. my plans to sail around the atlantic ocean on a 52 foot yacht were postponed due to the looming inclement weather. so, instead i attempted to sleep in but jonah had other plans... like walking on my face at 6:30am. i had one of my hired help drive me to the nail salon and got my fingers and tootsies man handled by a lady boy. then bought myself a new pair of running sneakers! my old ones have a few hundred miles on them and give me blisters every. single. time. i. wear. them.

exhibits A & B.

and in case you forgot, i'm still engaged and it's still awesome. 

don't tell any of the other trophy wives this but i'm totally marrying for love. how boring.

after i attempted suicide (read: ran in 95 degree weather) i met my mama for filet paired with some hops and barley at outback... it's the greatest place on earth. back in april, i had morning sickness paired with an unnatural craving for red meat and mexican food... i convinced myself i was all preggers. turns out i was just a lazy fat ass. pregnancy test: negative. morning sickness: gone. cravings: still in full force. 

on friday, i worked all day. i've really gotta get rid of that job. cutting in to my sun bathing time. then i met this classy gal for another suicide attempt (read: run)...

yes, she is in fact wearing a bathing suit top and sweats while smoking. that's runner material right there!

then we went out for dinner and cocktails. some people asked me to dance with them and i said...

no way!

because i was far too busy dancing with this hottie...

nothing exciting happened on saturday because of that damn job. ugh. but sunday... sunday was ahhhmazing. 

my maid of honor came over and did my hair. myspace-esque photo shoot followed.

we went to priscilla of boston.

 and did a little of this <3. (not "the" dress... but everything looked good on me.)

my apologies for the lengthy post even though i know you loved it. i'm off to have a whipped cream vodka & diet ginger ale while i wait for dinner to cook itself...

the "d" word is lurking.

ugh. i new this day would come eventually.

yesterday taylor texted me that he had "something kind of important" to tell me. the only time he uses that phrase is when he has to leave me and the only time i'll ever get to use that phrase is when i'm knocked up. i saw the text after a run in 95degree weather. i was exhausted. then i read that text and was exhausted and shitting my pants. i knew exactly what it was about and got myself so worked up about it that i had to find the nearest toilet. there was no wait-until-i-get-home nonsense.

when i did finally make it home, taylor called to tell me about the upcoming deployment "d" word. spring of 2012. as soon as we talked about it i felt this weird calm about it. it's going to blow one big moose's weiner with herpes on the side but i'm able to see silver lining in this huge, black cloud.
1. we have a decent amount of time to get settled in california. find a job. get into a routine.
2. he's not going to miss any of the big holidays. missing any holiday isn't fun but thanksgiving, christmas, my birthday and new years without him would send me over the edge right now. he'll be home for all of those :)
3. i'll have a wifey. the best wifey a girl could ask for. my little LoLo over at bravwhimp.blogspot.com. we'll be with each other every step of the way. taylor and her hubs are going to be in the same unit and deploying together. i hope she's ready to snuggle me.
4. after homecoming, we can have a gorgeous fall wedding and a kick-ass honeymoon!

speaking of homecoming... is it too early for me to be fantasizing about it? because i am. it's over a year away but i'm getting sweating palms just thinking about it.

he's only been gone 19 days (this time) and i'm so ready to squeeze him. i think your mentality during a long seperation is like your mentality on a long run though. if you tell yourself "i'm going to run 4 miles" it's going to get challenging after 3.5 and you're going to think you're pushing hard to finish it out strong. BUT, if you tell yourself "i'm going to speed through 7 miles" those first 4 miles are NOTHING! i knew he'd only be gone a month this time and that's why this last week is dragging. I've just got to get myself in the mindset for 7 months and it'll be smooth sailing. Lo keeps reminding me that we are strong (and beautiful) women and that's why they picked us. That little reassurance gives me a "can-do-it" attitude. I could not be prouder to stand by taylor for the rest of my life <3.

ten days.

taylor comes home in ten days... i really like the way that sounds. i also like the way "taylor comes home next week!" sounds. like a lot. just look at how short my countdown chain in my office is :) when i first made it, it practically touched the floor!

i have missed that man something fierce.

it's a strange sensation feeling like i haven't been my whole self since june 19th. it feels like i can't smile as bright or laugh as hard and something is always missing. i've forced myself to get out of the house and have some "fun" over the past few weeks but it just doesn't compare to time spent with taylor... even if we're doing nothing. nothing together is million times better than something without him. when he comes home, i'm going to hug him so hard and for so long that our bodies fuse together and he can never leave me again. i miss the smell of his dirty laundy. that must mean i REALLY love him.

kenny chesney concert. 6/4/11.

i can't wait to see that grin and those eyeballs again <3.

it's the first of the month.

or at least it was when i started this post.

at the beginning of the week, typically after i've drank myself into a stupor and remedied multiple hangovers with cupcakes, cracker barrel and crisco, i feel super motivated to work on my fitness and diet... or lack there of. at the beginning of the month said motivation is on steriods and i'm a crazed woman. lucky for you stalkers readers my period has aligned itself perfectly this month and the chemical imbalance in my brain has made me slightly anal (taylor: no, thank you... i didn't mean it like that). i've decided to document what i eat and how i exercise for 14 days. edit: this lasted ONE day... i'm such a committed soul...

woke up at 7am. jonah was running her claws down the bedroom walls. on my way to the kitchen for this...

happy easter.

jonah and i played a game we like to call "tampon soccer"...

halftime.

after i put my hair in a ponytail, thought about putting make up on and then thought against it got ready for work, i packed my lunch pail...

i ate the greek yogurt with 1/2 a cup of old fashioned oatmeal around 10:30am

i ate the apple around 1:30pm and made a turkey and cheddar sandwich around 3pm. the main ingredient to my sandwiches is mustard. the amount of everything else on my sanwiches pale in comparison to the amount of mustard that they are smothered and covered in. at 5:15pm i met my friend Michelle for a quick 3-4 miler, which turned out to be an incredibly slowww one. she just picked up smoking a few weeks ago... and "would feel like such a quitter" if she gave it up now. despite all the wheezing, we did finish 3.75miles.



showing off my two favorite pieces of jewelry. garmin and bling. oh, and that's my "i'm gonna keep running despite my bowels being in a complete up roar" face.

and now i will apologize for this post being put up 4 days late... i'm sorry. get off my case. i've been busy. after our "run" (seriously, i really shouldn't even call it that), Michelle took me out to celebrate my engagement! i drug her out with me on my first date with Taylor... i mean what if i didn't like him?! she's been there since the first time i spanked that juicy man-ass so she was excited for us :) and i ate all but a few bites of this...

medium rare filet and cauliflower mash. orgasm.

and i had one too many bottles glasses of carbernet, stumbled home, slept in my make-up and got up bright and early the next day (3 pounds lighter) to continue drinking. old habits are hard to break people! i will try not to choose alcohol over my blog again but i can't make any promises. i mean, i'm a trophy wife in training. i'm supposed to be drinking bellinis and laying out in the sunshine and making time for the occasional aerobics class, right? right. not "working" in my office on a national holiday like i am right now...