san francisco.

moving on...

     the following are "bullets" briefly detailing (what an annoying term... briefly detailing. oxy moron. you all are... for wasting your time reading this shit.) our trip to san francisco.

-i knew this trip was going to be an "experience" when long beach airport heightened it's security measures. they eliminated the whole take-your-shoes-off-stand-here-and-get-foot-gonorrhea-while-i-pilfer-through-your-purse step and made us all go through like this...

-another good sign was our san fran cab driver who had a strange resemblance to Jimmie Walker and called T and i "cool cats."

-our first night there we went to joe's crab shack in fisherman's wharf for dinner, where Taylor mentioned he wanted to get "young and dumb about it." i took him completely serious, acted like an 18 month old and threw a temper tantrum about which side of the bed i wanted to sleep on that night. i think he was referring to drinking alcohol like a 19 year old though.

-the next day, after another successful temper tantrum, which led us away from a denny's and into a starbucks (pretty pretty princess gets what she wants), we took a bus tour of the shitty city.

eyes like a hawk. spotted this bansky piece.

 stopped in union square to shop and say "hello" to that giant ninja.

ahhh! inner hippie is losing it's mind with excitement right now.

-the entire city smells like patchouli and weed smoke. there are very nice 15 year old hippies on the street corners who will sell you some marijuana if you feel left out because everyone has it but you.

-no one in this town asks for your id. two things: that makes me feel old and i'll never allow my spawns to visit this city without me.

- we had a very nice sexy dinner night (i believe you common folk refer to this as date night) at a restaurant called scoma's right on the water. and then walked to ghirardelli square for hot chocolate and dessert.  

fat girl status.

- the next day we went to alcatraz for a tour of taylor's new home. 

keep making that face and it'll stay like that.

 doing my best asian tourist impression while in solitary confinement.

- i spent most of our trip in leggings (a miracle bra for your a$$) and uggs. taylor was under the impression that people were constantly staring at my camel toe and just couldn't get it through his head that they were staring at me because of my beauty.

here are some other things i saw in san francisco...

i like to look a little less north beach and a lot more marin county.

rvca store in the haight. ride on cowboy.

i don't know who this bimbo is but she was werkin' for the paparazzi me.

homeless man in make-shift bush scaring the spare change right out of people's pants.

grizabella the glamor cat.

     that's all for now folks. gotta go spike the eggnog! cheers!

one picture.

     and almost 3 months later the "challenge" that was supposed to take 10 days is finally completed with a picture of myself. i lurve pictures of myself and this one especially. the genuine happiness in this picture is completely apparent. this is that "holy crap, god created the perfect man for me, i get to spend my life with him and i feel freaking skinny gorgeous right now" moment.

(this is not "the" dress so stop freaking the fuck out about it)

     and i've also decided to treat you freaks fans to the details of our secret wedding. so brace yourself. taylor and i decided, for a multitude of reasons, that it would be best for us (well, mostly me) to get married before the marine corps moved us to california. that left us about 6 weeks to plan a wedding... not really something i wanted to do. 

     our marriage needed to be quick and easy (much like he was on our first date)... and planning that sounded like a perfect job for my groom. yep, Taylor planned our wedding marriage, which totally explains why we got married at 9am in front of some random lady's fireplace.

     thursday, august 11th rolled around and my wedding planner fiance informed me that i had to sneak my birth certificate away from my parent's file cabinet in order to get our marriage license. i tried to be so sneaky in this covert operation and avoid all "what do you need that for?" questions but i was caught. by dale... and bless his heart, the only thing he thought to ask was "are you going on a cruise?" i don't even remember how i responded to that pitiful question or if i said anything at all. i was expecting a full-throttle interrogation and this man was thinking of pleasure cruises...

     the next day we went down to the courthouse to file for our marriage license. the courthouse was a zoo, a mexican zoo, that morning. we couldn't find a parking spot and in a desperate attempt to keep the "quick and easy" theme going, we parked in a family friend's driveway. fearing she might see my car and get suspicious i sent her a quick text: hey! can't find parking and i gotta run on the courthouse for a few minutes for work. parked in your driveway. thank you :) her response should have been: you're an event planner at a municipal golf course and you have no business taking care of any of their legal issues. what are you really up to? but she, like my father, was naive as hell and just went with it.

    we ran in the courthouse, saw the metal detectors and then immediately ran back out because... did you know you can't take your cell phone in those places? that's some bullshit. anyway, when we were safely back in there with no ability to contact the outside world, we successfully obtained our marriage license and got the hell out of dodge... before anyone asked for my autograph.

     i have no recollection of what else happened that day. i probably got shit balls drunk and blacked out. funny, that's exactly what i'm doing right now. i'll blog about the "marriage day" later... the keyboard is starting to look all melty-like.